hello project life 2013 week 15

this weeks' spread continued to document our lives with a newborn; from naps with daddy, to hand knit blankets, to trying to watch the mad men premiere.

this is coming from a part deep down inside of me; somewhere around where shame and embarrassment hide out. somewhere where i now hope it stays forever locked away, because i like to think that i have grown and learned from my past mistakes.

here's what i'm talking about: now that i am three plus weeks into the motherhood game, i am absolutely horrified to have written this post.

i used to be so self-absorbed!

who was i to think that picking up my life and moving to las vegas warranted any sort of attention? and my blog posts about fashion, or the rain pouring down three times a year, or even my lame attempts at outfit posts? why did i think that my friends back home should have been taking time out of their lives to comment on them? why did i think i was so special? and why was i so concerned that they weren't paying attention?

because i didn't have children.

good lord, it all changes when you have kids. time - needless to say - is not exactly on your side. your priorities are no longer important; it is all about what the baby needs. he wakes up when he is no longer tired, wants to eat when it suits him, screams bloody murder if he sits in a dirty diaper for longer than ten minutes, wants to be cuddled and played with. it doesn't matter if you haven't had a shower yet today, or if your stomach is growling because you haven't eaten since last nights' dinner (not counting the bowl of cereal you snuck in after a 3am feeding because you couldn't get back to sleep your stomach was growling so loudly). oh you used to read? well good luck finding time for that if your baby isn't a good nurser, or if you're bottle feeding. and you used to blog? make sure you have your laptop nearby to sneak in a few sentences at a time when he finally decides to close his eyes for five minutes at a time during the day.

oh, how naive i was when i moved away!

i thought my friends didn't care! i thought they weren't curious to hear about my new life that i had started out here in las vegas! i thought they didn't miss me!

i am so ashamed. but i just didn't understand. i didn't understand that children change everything - your whole dynamic, your whole life, your whole outlook.

i used to be so self-absorbed, but now... now i understand. these children of ours? they really are everything.

hello project life 2013 | week 14.

this spread shows a lot more of our daily life with the new baby. i'm learning to enjoy every free moment that i have (like the morning I got to enjoy a cup of tea alone in the kitchen and dive into 'a year of mornings' without interruption). my parents flew in the day after we got home from the hospital and have been a tremendous help. my dad flies home tonight, but my mom is staying until the first week of may, for which we are very grateful!

i wanted to keep the spread simple this week and highlight our new life mostly through photos.

today i read something that struck me deep in my bones. i'm constantly amazed by moments like these: how you can be feeling something that you just can't put into words only to have someone else do it for you. ali edwards couldn't have said it better.

i want to be living the length and the width.

once you have children it's easy to say 'i used to be ________' or 'i used to do _______ more' and lose sight of who you are as an woman and an individual, and i mean, i'm only two weeks into the whole parenting thing. it's important to me that i still make time for myself and do things that i did before i became a mother. but i also want to do new things with my new family, and build new memories and traditions.

i want to be sure to live the length and the width.

hello project life | week 12.

looking back now, i have to laugh because at this point i thought i'd have two weeks until the little one came into our lives. little did i know that on march 26th i would go into labour and he would be born early the next morning. my how life is different with a newborn. i see everything with new eyes, and i can't wait to share it all with you.

but before all that, here is week 12.